Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
