a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
