Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
