It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
