You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
