she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
