Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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