i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
