Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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