Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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