New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
