Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
