if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
