I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
