you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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