just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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