Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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