if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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