i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
