My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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