so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
