I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
