Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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