Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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