cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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