Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
