I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
