one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
