Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
