Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
