Will you blow on my dice?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
