I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god it's open bar.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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