I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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