If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
