I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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