Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize