when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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