Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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