I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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