its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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