Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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