i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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