I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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