is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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