I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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