Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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