Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
