The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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