so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
