i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
