THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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