It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
