even my farts smell like vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
