ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
