It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mom said you looked used
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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