is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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