worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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