This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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