chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
