I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
