i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
