i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
