Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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