dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
